Kisses Like She's Laughing
by Let It Ring
Summary: Chapter 15 as of December 1st. The end of the story.
1. Chapter 1: Kisses Like She's Laughing

Nymphadora Tonks kisses like she's laughing.  
  
Her being my best friend's second cousin and 8 years my junior, I probably shouldn't know how Nymphadora Tonks kisses at all. But I do.  
  
When she kisses, her mouth forms a sort of pouty half-grin and she snuggles into you, the warmth of the kiss combined with the warm weight of her body, and there's no other feeling quite like it in the world.  
  
As I lay here in the half-dark of her disorganized but dust-free bedroom while she sleeps, I ponder her. I wonder what she thinks. What she feels when I make love to her.  
  
Tonks's bedroom is a room full of memories. Her bulletin board is a flurry of movement as she and random family members chase each other back and forth. They stop to wave at me and I stare back, smiling and still pondering her existence.  
  
Nymphadora Tonks looks like an angel when she's sleeping.  
  
That particular night as I lay pondering her, she lay snuggled next to me, her long blonde-streaked bright-red hair (as it was then, so coloured in the spirit of Christmas, which happened to be a week away.) spread all over my chest and down her back, her eyes closed, a faint, dreamy expression on her innocent-looking face. I could not imagine anything more beautiful.  
  
I know that I am in love with Nymphadora Tonks. I like to believe she loves me back equally (Though she assures me, she does.)  
  
I decide then and there, in the half-dark of her disorganised bedroom, ten minutes before midnight, with Photographs and Memories playing on the stereo and her sleeping next to me that I want to spend the rest of my life with her.  
  
The next morning, I would ask her to marry me.  
  
I, Remus Lupin, was going to ask Nymphadora Tonks to be my wife.  
  
The morning immediately following my decision, I woke long before her, moving carefully as not to disturb. Did I say that she looks like an angel when she's sleeping? I believe I did.  
  
Anyway, I got up, showered, dressed and Apparated home, retrieved the ring that I had been saving, and Apparated back.  
  
Tonks was still asleep when I got back, but she awoke as soon as she heard her bedroom door creak open. I kissed her and whispered "Morning." She grinned sleepily. "G'morning."  
  
"Did I wake you?"  
  
"No, 'course not. I was just--" she yawned. "About to wake up," she finished, stretching.  
  
I kissed her again.  
  
"How about I make breakfast and you take a shower?" I suggested.  
  
She looked mock-horrified. "You're not trying to come with me?"  
  
I laughed at the expression on her face. "Not at all."  
  
"Okay." She rolled out of bed, wrapped a robe around herself and wandered out of the room, humming Jingle Bells.  
  
Meanwhile, I walked downstairs, wrapped her ring with a tap of my wand and put it under the singing Christmas tree.  
  
She came downstairs fifteen minutes later, her hair (now short and green with red spikes, further Christmas decorating.) still damp and clinging to her forehead. "What's for breakfast?" she asked.  
  
"Chocolate chip pancakes." She liked those.  
  
"Yay!" she shook her head and water droplets fell to the ground.  
  
We sat down and ate no more than five minutes later (a lot you can accomplish in five minutes) and when we were through, I instructed her to sit on the living room sofa and close her eyes.  
  
She did so, and I retrieved the ring. "Okay," I breathed. I knelt down, holding the still-wrapped box. The music playing on the stereo switched from Jingle Bell Rock to What Are You Doing New Year's Eve. 'Perfect,' I thought, taking a deep breath and preparing myself. "Honey, open your eyes."  
  
She did, and as soon as she did, she gasped. "Ohhh," she breathed, falling back into the sofa. "Oh Remus."  
  
I smiled. "Nymphadora. Tonks," I started. "I. I mean. I. Would you." I trailed off, breathless, worried of her reaction.  
  
She smiled, kissed me and whispered 'yes'. In that moment, with just that pivotal word, she made every emotion I had ever experienced rush through my body. I slipped the ring onto her finger and pulled her into an embrace.  
  
"I love you," I mouthed.  
  
"Love you, too," she replied, kissing me on the nose.  
  
The next few hours, Tonks talked my ear off, baking cookies and making plans. I let her voice wash over me, watching as she moved and crashed about.  
  
"And Harry. And Ron and all the Weasleys."  
  
"Mm-hm."  
  
"Hermione. The Malfoys? Not that I like them, they're related."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Your mum, my mum. Anyone else?"  
  
"Unm, Moody."  
  
"How could we forget Moody?" Tonks tripped on her untied shoelaces and went flying and landed with a clatter. She looked up at me and grinned. "Ow," she said.  
  
Marrying Tonks was definitely going to be an adventure. 


	2. Chapter 2: Winter Wonderland

That night, I lay in bed with her again, this time listening to Seasons in The Sun.  
  
She always fell asleep before me, and that was good, because it gave me time to think.  
  
On that particular night, I was thinking about Sirius. Sirius had been one of my best friends, Tonks' cousin, and by 1980, the only friend I had. I remember that the first time I met Tonks, she was five and it was through Sirius, who had been trusted to take care of her for the summer. She had liked me, and I remember that she hugged me and said, "My name is Nymphie and I'm five." And I thought she was adorable.  
  
I wondered, then, if she remembered that summer, but I figured otherwise. She was twenty-seven years old, and I figured that not many twenty-seven year olds could remember being five years old.  
  
I turned to kiss her goodnight, and she didn't stir, just cuddled further into me.  
  
I dreamt fitfully of her and Sirius. In the dream, she was a little girl, maybe four or five, the summer I met her I suppose. She had long purple hair, and it spilled all over a body. Sirius's body. She was crying over and over, "Remy, help him. HELP HIM! HELP ME! Make him go away! Make it stop. Reeeeemmmmmmyyy.. Reemmmy.. Help!"  
  
I woke up in a cold sweat. I turned to check on her, she had not awoken. I rolled silently out of bed and went to get a cup of tea.  
  
The clock in the kitchen loomed ominously. 2:40, it read. I sighed, fixed my tea and moved into the living room.  
  
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I heard was her screaming.  
  
I pounded up the stairs. "Nymphadora. Tonks. Honey. Darling. What's wrong?"  
  
"I had a nightmare," she replied, whimpering into my chest.  
  
"Oh, honey. It's okay, darling." I stroked her back. "What happened?"  
  
"He. HE came. You-know-who. And he-he.. He. He killed you. And then I was all alone."  
  
"You'll never be alone, I'll be here forever."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Promise."  
  
And before I could say anything else, she fell asleep.  
  
I must have nodded off with her, because when I awoke, she was nowhere to be found.  
  
I found her in the living room, writing out Christmas cards.  
  
"Good morning, Remy," she said amiably, grinning broadly. I noticed that her hair was a light pink color and smiled.  
  
"Who're you writing to?" I asked, bending down to kiss her.  
  
"Um. My mum, dad, anyone who's listening at Grimmauld Place."  
  
"Did you eat?"  
  
"I was waiting for you." She was humming Jingle Bells. I smiled and went to go make us breakfast.  
  
She finished her Christmas cards just before noon, and we went for a walk.  
  
"Rem," she said conversationally.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Are we ever going to have kids?"  
  
I smiled, grabbing her hand. "Do you want kids?"  
  
"Yes. I want kids, I want a whole houseful of kids, billions of kids."  
  
"Well." I smiled. "Let's start with one and see how it goes."  
  
She grinned, let go of my hand, and skipped ahead, singing Winter Wonderland. 


	3. Chapter 3: Christmas at The Lupins

The week after our engagement seemed to pass with no time at all, and suddenly it was Christmas Eve, and our house was a flurry of activity. Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, the rest of the Weasleys, her mum and my mum had all made an appearance. Music was blaring. Ron and Hermione were sitting beneath the tree, deep in what seemed like a very serious conversation. Tonks and her Mum sat in the kitchen making plans, and Harry and Ginny were apparently upstairs, 'wrapping gifts'. Only Sirius was missing from the seemingly perfect scene. I sighed. He would have loved to be there.  
  
I sat amidst it all, sipping my cocoa and thinking. Suddenly, I felt warm weight against my shoulder. "Watcha doing?" she questioned, kissing near my ear. I turned to face her, watching closely her expression. Happy, questioning. "Thinking," I replied, pulling her close.  
  
"About what?" suddenly very solemn.  
  
I sighed, wrapping my arms even more tightly around her. "Sirius."  
  
"Y'know what?" she turned, kissing my nose.  
  
"Mmm?"  
  
"I think that we're all in denial." She paused, as if gathering the words. "I pretend, sometimes, that he's there. Here. Like today." She let her voice trail off. I kissed her, a soft, slow, delicate, passionate kind of kiss that, I believe, are special, unique to people madly in love.  
  
"Shshsh," I whispered, when the kiss was through. "It's Christmas. Sirius wants you to be happy. So be happy!" I kissed the tip of her nose, making her smile.  
  
We lay in bed together that night, and I thought of the first time we ever lay in a bed together. She was sixteen, and I was 25, the summer after her sixth year. She would have been seventeen in three weeks. I was turning 26 in eight days. We had both consciously known it was illegal. For four years our relationship had been illegal. But we loved each other. God, I thought, that was twelve years ago. I turned to kiss her, and as I did, a line from a song popped into my head: "Can I get you anything. to drink? Because time flies when you're having fun. Guess I haven't got that much to say." I smiled and kissed her before turning and trying to sleep.  
  
The next morning, Christmas morning, I awoke to Tonks leaning into my face, grinning. "Wake up," she said, "It's Christmas. I opened my eyes. Still in her pyjamas, she looked like an over-grown five- year-old. "Is it?" I laughed, rolling over and pinning her to the bed.  
  
"Yes, yes it is." She tried to escape, but I held her fast. "I see." I kissed her once, twice, three times and let her go. She giggled and raced downstairs and I followed, wrapping my robe around my middle. We got downstairs, and it was a flurry of movement. Christmas Bells from RENT was blaring out of the stereo, and Ron, Fred, George and Ginny were yelling out random lyrics. Tonks whistled through her fingers and everyone stopped dead.  
  
"OKAY!" she yelled, hands on her hips coach-style. Everyone looked at her. "Okay. Now, Remus will be Santa. Rem, you hand them presents, okay?"  
  
I nodded. "Okay."  
  
"And then, in a CIVILISED manner, you will open them. When we are finished, we'll have breakfast."  
  
Present-opening was a flurry of movement. Wrapping paper flew about and Tonks raced around, trying to contain sanity.  
  
We finished around eleven o'clock, and Tonks started making breakfast, her mother watching and fretting.  
  
I had never been happier in my life. 


	4. Chapter 4: A Baby In The House?

In April she had to go back to work and every morning I would watch her go, kiss her goodbye, tell her I'd owl her and see her in the evening.  
  
And by 10:00 every morning, I was dissolved into a puddle of tears. I wanted her to come back, she was too young. too beautiful. too delicate to go off to that dangerous, high-pressure job. (She would kill me if she knew I thought that.)  
  
But of course she'd go, and of course she'd come back and of course it'd be okay again, but it didn't stop me from worrying for 10 hours of the day.  
  
One day she didn't return, however, one day in June, one of those in- between days before it became really hot and we were uncomfortable. The best days of summer.  
  
She didn't come and she didn't come. She had sent me an owl at noon saying that she had to go out into 'the field' and that she would be home late.  
  
Well. I waited and waited; it was one am before I finally sat down to write to the Ministry. And as I sat down to write, her owl came through the window and began pecking at my head impatiently. (If you've ever had your head pecked at, it is not pleasant, let me tell you.) I quickly unrolled the letter, hastily tied to his left leg, and read:  
  
"Remus, Please don't worry. I got a little bit hurt and I'm in the hospital and if you get this, then that means they forgot about me and didn't send you an owl. Please come visit me, even if you get this at half past midnight and you have to wake the lady at the desk up.  
  
I love you, Tonks"  
  
I relaxed slightly. She was OKAY! Hurt, but okay. I pulled on my cloak and ran out the door.  
  
I got to St. Mungo's at a half-past one. A rather cranky medi-witch directed me to her room. She was soundly asleep, a small monitor beeping at her side. I kissed her cheek, her eyes opened. They were green.  
  
"Hey!" she said, trying to sit up.  
  
"What happened?" I commanded.  
  
She smiled, pulling herself up. "I got hurt, I said that."  
  
"How?" gentler, reaching out to touch soft hair.  
  
"I can't remember." It came out as a whisper, a child's whimper in the dark.  
  
"Try," I whispered soothingly. "Please?"  
  
Her brow furrowed in concentration. "I. I can't remember anything but hitting the ground."  
  
I ruffled her hair, kissed her cheek, and made her promise to get some rest.  
  
I stayed with her another hour before Apparating back home. They had hurt my baby, I thought. Whoever they were. They is a very childish analogy, they could be anyone.  
  
She was released at 11 am the next day, and she came home and I made her promise that she was only going to do deskwork for a little while.  
  
Good news came in July, the month before our wedding. She was pregnant! I was going to be a father.  
  
I had always thought about beginning a family, always since I was a young boy. But I never imagined I'd have one. And now I was going to!  
  
Like I said, marrying Tonks was going to be an adventure.  
  
A/N: It's short. But I'm pleased with it, considering I was stuck. I will probably do a re-write. Reviews greatly appreciated! 


	5. Chapter 5: Never Hurt

A/N: Sorry this one took so long. I had to work on something for a writer's contest, and I was at camp for a weekend, and friends, babysitting, and life got tied up in the mess. Chapter six will precede this one immediately. Thanks for all the reviews, you guys are angels  
  


* * *

  
A/N 2: Now called B*Chan due to my reading Never Meant To Hurt You and the fact that people actually call me that (Being called Breanne)  
  
A/N 3: To those of you wondering when KLSL will be done, I don't know myself. This got a lot longer than I expected it to. Now, ON WITH THE SHOW!!  
  
I woke up one morning three weeks after our 'discovery' to find her already out of bed. I called for her and she came back into the room, already fully dressed, and crawled into the bed. "Heyyo," she whispered in my ear, breath warm and tickling.  
  
"Hey," I whispered back, not in her ear but to her neck. "Where did you go?"  
  
She smiled, curling her body into mine and resting her head in the crook of my shoulder. "Got dressed, took a shower, threw up, made breakfast, though not necessarily in that order." I looked horrified and she laughed then, a deep, rich laugh that was purely her, just like when she had pink hair. It was something that belonged to her, belonged to the personality and mystery of one Nymphadora Tonks. When she had recovered, I smiled and whispered "So about breakfast..." and she laughed and swatted me off. Eventually, we made it downstairs to breakfast and she spoke animatedly while I watched in silence, nodding occasionally where I saw the need. She was chattering about someone at work, but my mind was elsewhere. The full moon was in 3 days, and while it was not my first without Sirius, it would be a dangerous one because of Tonks and her current situation. "Love," I stopped her, mid-sentence.  
  
"Yeah? Hey... I was just getting to the good part of my story!" she mock pouted for a moment before turning her attention to me again.  
  
"Well... as you know, the full moon is in a few days, and..."  
  
"Don't worry, Remus, I'm not scared."  
  
"But I could..."  
  
"Hurt me? No, you wouldn't hurt me." She sounded convinced of this, and I wasn't going to worry about it. "And any way, if you go see Snape, you'll be okay, won't you? Sirius explained this to me but I sort of forgot the details."  
  
"Well, it'll be curbed, and I won't be as bad as I would in the morning."  
  
"Oh yes. Well, go see him anyway, for the sake of me, please?"  
  
I eyed her warily. "But I could still..."  
  
"No. You wouldn't, you love me, remember? Now, today is my day off, so let's enjoy it."  
  
She began taking away the dishes.  
  
A/N: Okay, there ya go. Sorry it's short. Brain fart. 


	6. Chapter 6: Reassurance

A/N for this chapter:  
  
I am going to work my butt off on this chapter. I love you guys, all of you, for giving me all this positive feedback. It really does make me want to write more. Especially Neviwyn's encouragement. Anyway, on with the show.  
  
I continued to fret throughout the week, and before I realised it, it was the day before the full moon, and it came as a shock to me that I had not visited the Potions Master and therefore did not have my Wolfsbane. I realised with a mixture of regret and terror that it was far too late for me to get some, and therefore I would have to transform without it.  
  
She was gone to work when I miserably realised I might hurt her the next night, so I had to patiently (Or impatiently, depending on how you look at it) wait until she got home. I knew better than to worry her, so I spent most of the day wondering how I could tell her without panicking her.  
  
"I wish Sirius were here," I said aloud at around mid-day, when I still hadn't come to a solution. "He would know what to do, and even if he didn't, Tonks could go to his house and stay and keep Kreacher company. "Oh stop it," I said to myself, in a voice that was not quite my own. "You know he's not here and it's no use worrying and wishing he were here. Right now you have to worry about not hurting your fiancée tommorow night, so get thinking, Mr. Lupin." That made me laugh, because it sounded like something Tonks would say.  
  
At around 3:30, I got up to make a cup of tea because I still hadn't come to a solution. I knew I had to send her somewhere, or I had to go somewhere. But where? My mind was frenzied as I tried to think of a place where I could go. Then, my gaze drifting to a photograph of Sirius hanging on the wall, it hit me: I could go to the Shrieking Shack. I could be safe there, but I really didn't want to leave her all by herself. I could take her with me at the risk of her being hurt, but I could absolutely not have anything happen to her or our baby. It took me a little while, but I finally came to the solution that since the Shack was in Hogsmead, I could always let her wander around Hogsmead and come back to visit me when the transformation was over.  
  
When she got home, I made sure I had dinner ready when she got home, and when I presented the idea to her, she was delighted. "That means I can be with you, right? But I can go shopping too, and of course the baby needs things, so I can buy things for the baby and show you when you're well again, and I can stay in a hotel, and it will be okay, and I still get to see you."  
  
I'm not sure why, but her assurance made me feel a whole lot better.  
  
A/N: The next chapter will be a lot longer I hope. Chapters five and this one I wrote at school, so... ( 


	7. Chapter 7: 9 Hours

Two days before the full moon, we had our first doctor's appointment with the baby. I, unfortunately, could not be in attendance because I was sick with the moon. She, however, informed me that the baby was healthy and that everything was all right. I savoured those words: the baby is healthy and everything is all right. We were a family.  
  
The day before the full moon, I slept while she prepared herself. She woke me just before dinnertime, and I noticed that she had brought me soup and crackers on a tray. I smiled and pulled her close to me, snuggling her and eating my soup. "It's good... Did you eat?" I whispered into the crook of her neck. She smiled and sighed against the sensation, and whispered into my chest. "Of course. I love you." "I love you too." "You sleepy?" "A little." She stood up. "I'm going for a walk." "Okay." I watched her rise to leave. "I love you, be safe." "Of course." She turned to walk away. What I didn't realise was that it was the last time I would see her for a very long time.  
  
In truth, it wasn't that long of a period, 9 hours, but it seemed like an eternity to me. It also meant that I would be on my own in the dredges of the full moon, the whole time obsessing about her safety. She was safe, in the end, of course, but she and I spent a precarious 9 hours worrying about each other.  
  
I finally slept, fitfully, at around two-thirty in the morning. I woke every ten minutes, sick with worry, from horrible dreams. Dreams where I saw her body, the contents of her womb spread across the ground beneath her, her eyes half-closed—no don't think like that.  
  
I must have fallen asleep again, because at 7:30 in the morning, I found myself with a pounding headache and her side of the bed messed up. "Nymphadora?" I called, weakly, shocked at how old my voice sounded. "Are you here, love? Where were you?" When there was no answer, I tottered weakly downstairs. She was curled on the couch, with long dark hair all over her shoulders. She was sound asleep, and probably wouldn't have heard me anyway. I shook her lightly and she didn't stir, and for a moment I feared she was dead. When she moved slightly, I realised that it must have been a curse-induced sleep, and so I sat with her while she slept it off, dozing peacefully myself.  
  
She woke up screaming half an hour later, and it startled me. "What's wrong?!" I sprang to my feet, gasping. She stopped screaming, but her eyes were still wild. "Where am I?" "You're with me now, love. It's okay." I reached over to stroke her hair and back, and she relaxed a little. "What happened?" "I was hoping you could tell me." "I went for a walk. Then I woke up..." she tried to remember. "Something else happened but I can't remember. I remember being taken away in silence and locked in a dark room... it was my aunt... why isn't she still in jail? She's evil, she's worse than anything, ever."  
  
I laid down with her then, rubbed her back, and soothed her. "It's okay, we'll figure this all out." And even though I was exhausted, I somehow understood that her pain came before mine.  
  
A/N: hah! 


	8. Chapter 8: Reminiscence of Things Past

"Remus. Go. I'll be FINE! And so will the baby."  
  
It was 4:30 pm on the evening of the full moon, and we were standing together outside the Hogs Head pub. "If anything happens..."  
  
"I'll go home. Now go, before it gets dark and you kill me." She must have sensed the worry in my eyes because she kissed me. "I'm joking. Go now, okay? I love you."  
  
"I love you too," I managed. "Be safe." With that, she walked away from me. And even though I knew I was being irrational, I was so terrified that that would be the last time I saw her.  
  
**  
  
I awoke with a start sometime after midnight. I sensed something, and quietly, following my wolf-instinct, started toward the Hog's Head.  
  
It was simple enough to get through to the upstairs rooms where she was located because mostly the pub was empty except a few drunken ghouls who barely acknowledged a large tawny wolf with gray flecks and watchful gray eyes.  
  
I crept upstairs and tried to find her scent. I sensed it at the far end of the corridor and perked, padding toward the last room in the hall.  
  
When I got there, the door was nearly closed but not quite, so I was able to nudge it open and get through. She lay on the bed, hair long and pink, sound asleep. She looks like an angel, I thought, a tiny, slightly pregnant, pink-haired angel. I climbed up on the bed and curled up next to her. Then I fell asleep.  
  
I woke sometime the next morning with a pounding headache. Where am I? I thought, panicked. "Nymphadora?"  
  
"In here, m'love! How are you doing? I thought it was sooo cute when I woke up to go to the toilet and there was a wolf in my bed." She came in and kissed me. "Here love, aspirin."  
  
I took it gratefully. "Thanks love. How was YOUR night?"  
  
"I got a lot of shopping done for the baby. Hold on I'll show you." She disappeared into the small bathroom again, returning with her arms full of bags. "Some I bought here in Hogsmead but a lot of it I bought when I apparated to Diagon Alley." She started taking things out of the bags. I just lay back, propped against the pillows, and let her voice wash over me.  
  
The next time I awoke it was in our bed at home, and she lay next to me. I quietly got up and headed to the kitchen to fix myself a cup of tea. Then, I crept up to the attic.  
  
Once up there, I didn't really know what I was doing. What are you doing, Lupin? I silently asked myself, while walking to the corner of the attic where her hope chest was stored, sat down before it, said a silent prayer, and slowly opened it.  
  
As soon as I opened it, I caught a whiff of something that was purely she and smiled. Lying on top of everything else was a photograph of myself, her, and Sirius, all smiling and waving in the park near her childhood house. She looked to be about 4 or 5, and as I stared, the day slowly came back to me.  
  
** "REMMY WATCH ME!" the tiny purple-haired pixie called from the middle of the field. 13-year-old Remus Lupin turned to face her. "I'm watching, Nymphie." The little girl laughed delightedly and turned a cartwheel. He clapped and she came running over and planted herself in his lap. Her 2nd- cousin, Sirius, came up behind Remus and gave him bunny ears, and then offered a passer-by his camera. "Take a picture, mate. I wanna remember this."  
** "Remus?"  
  
I startled and jumped. "Oh, hello Nymphadora dear, you scared me."  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry... What are you doing up here?"  
  
I pulled her into my arms. "Oh, you know. Just reminiscing about all things passed."  
  
A/N: DAMN that was fun! 


	9. Chapter 9: Return of the Lost

A/N: In case you were wondering, Remus and Tonks postponed their August wedding and will marry quite quietly in this chapter, which takes place in October. Tonks is 4 months pregnant now, and due in March. A/N 2: This is going to be a really REALLY long chapter spanning from October-mid-February. Prepare for some shock lol. A/N 3: in case you hadn't figured it out, when I refer to Remus in the 3rd person, it's a flashback.  
  
We married in October of 1997 in a quiet ceremony. We were extremely busy getting ready for our child to worry too much about having an extravagant ceremony, and it seemed to be what she wanted.  
  
She stopped working right after our wedding because it was too dangerous for the baby, and I loved having her home with me at all times. I worked from home then, and she and I spent a lot of time together, enjoying our last months as a couple rather than a family.  
  
We had briefly discussed names, but the only thing we could seem to agree on was Sirius for a boy. I questioned if Sirius would appreciate having a namesake, and decided that he would be flattered, and we settled on Sirius James Lupin.  
  
We had no idea what to call a little girl, and we agreed that if we had a little girl, we would indefinitely look at her, and then name her.  
  
As November and December, the 'Christmas Months' as she called them, drew nearer; I missed Sirius more and more. It was foolish to miss him so much, but I knew he would delight in watching his cousin's tummy grow, and he would delight in the fact that I was finally completely happy.  
  
One day in late November, during one of our many cuddling sessions, the telephone (a gift from her mother) rang, and I got up to answer it, and when I did, there was no sound but ragged breathing. After a few attempts at speaking to the person on the other end, I hung up and returned to her. "Who was it, love?" she asked me, kissing my nose.  
  
"Oh, you know. Just some teen-ager trying to pull a prank."  
  
"We have been getting a lot of those lately, haven't we?"  
  
And we had. In the past week, at least twice a day, the phone rang and there was nothing there, just someone breathing. While it didn't seem to faze her, it bothered me to no end.  
  
By Christmas 1997, I was so fed up with the phone calls that I disconnected the telephone, much to the dismay of Nymphadora's mother. She clucked at me that her daughter was 6 months pregnant and she needed to call every day to make sure she was all right. I had Nymphadora speak to her and tell her that she was fine, that she would send an owl or have the next-doors call her if there was an emergency.  
  
On December 20th, Hogwarts broke for school holiday and once again, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny and the entire Weasley brood was in our house. Nymphadora loved Ginny's company and interest in her growing belly, and she thought it was so sweet that Hermione and Ron seemed so in love with each other. I was excited too, but there was the hole again, the hole that could only be filled by Sirius.

  
  
Christmas Morning 1997 I awoke before everyone else in the house and crept outside. It was still dark, yet the neighborhood was filled with light-up houses with children with delighted laughing faces opening gifts. I walked through the snow and thought of the last Christmas we spent at the Potter's house.  


  
  
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Sirius Black yelled.  
  
"Sirius!" chided Lily. "You'll wake Harry." Harry was 5 months old, and just sleeping through the night, to the relief of his exhausted parents.  
  
"And rightly so," grinned Sirius, "after all, it is the little bugger's first Christmas!"  
  
Just then, Remus Lupin appeared in the front room, cradling a sleeping baby in a red-and-green knitted blanket. "Someone might want his mummy in a moment, he's beginning to smell." Lily smiled lovingly at the bundle and took him gingerly from Remus. "Thank you," she whispered, stroking the infant's cheek. "Merry Christmas, Remus."  
  
Remus smiled and blushed, and James Potter, Lily's husband of nearly 18 months, came down the stairs and joined the foursome in the front room, in front of the twinkling Christmas tree. He kissed Lily and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, smiling adoringly at his son. Remus felt a twinge of jealousy then. He wondered if he would ever find someone who he totally adored, someone who could bear his children, someone who he could spend the rest of his life with. He doubted it, in his condition.  
  
He was snapped out of his reverie by Lily's voice. "Remus? Are you all right?"  
  
"I-I'm fine, honey. Just thinking."  
  
"Okay. Well, I'm going to change Harry's nappy and then we're going to open gifts, all right?"  
  
"Okay." Remus took a seat on the floor next to Sirius, who was wearing a Santa hat decorated with several punk-rock band names. The morning was perfect, and little did Remus and Sirius know, it would be one of the last perfect moments they would get to spend with the Potters.  
  
When it began to snow at around 7:00 am, I headed back to the house. Nymphadora and Ginny were already awake, and they were wrapped in an afghan, talking. I smiled, said hello to Ginny, kissed Nymphadora and headed into the kitchen to fix us some tea.  
  
Christmas day went by pretty standard, there was much excitement and laughter and I was glad to sit back and watch and imagine what it would be like next Christmas, with my own child opening his or her gifts.  
  
After Christmas dinner, Hermione and Ron excused themselves upstairs to the chagrin of Mrs. Weasley, and Ginny and Harry were perched together in the squishy leather reading chair, snuggling together. I truly saw Lily and James in Harry and Ginny, and it filled my heart with happiness, and sorrow mixed together as one. I really missed Lily and James, Lily especially. They would be proud of their son. I sighed and went over to Nymphadora, who was sound asleep curled in the corner of the couch. I went over and lay my head on her belly, and before I knew it, I was sound asleep as well. 

"He's gone." Remus could hear himself say the words but he couldn't quite believe them. "I'm so sorry, Harry." While Harry screamed, and knelt over Sirius's dead body, Remus briskly walked over to the steps where Nymphadora Tonks's body lay, silently praying that she was still alive. He knelt down, then finally sat, pulling her tiny body into his arms. "Nymphadora, please wake up," he whispered, stroking her short purple hair. "Please. I can't lose you, too." When there was no answer, he began to silently weep, holding her close until the MediWizard rushed her away.  
  
He visited her in St. Mungo's after he was allowed, and when he had entered the room, she was sleeping. She appeared to be in what he referred to as her 'natural' state, long thick chestnut brown hair nearly to her waist splayed all over the pillow and her pale hands up tangled in it. She looked nearly the way she did asleep at home, but for the bandage above her left eye. He sat in the chair conveniently located at her bedside and took her hand, watching her chest silently rise and fall, watching her eyes flutter with a dream.  
  
It took her about 2 hours to awaken, and when she did; she smiled and then winced from the pain. "Hey," she whispered, barely audible.  
  
"Hey," he whispered back. "How ya feeling?"  
  
"Like crap," she said. "Where's Sirius?"  
  
Remus sighed. "Oh Nymphadora, didn't anyone tell you?"  
  
Nymphadora shook her head. "What? Tell me what?"  
  
He squeezed her hand a little tighter. "Oh Nymphadora... I'm sorry. Sirius died."  


  
She was gone when I awoke, and I immediately panicked. "Nymphadora?"  
  
"In the bedroom with Ginny, m'love."  
  
I padded up the stairs. "Have a nice sleep?" I asked, joining them on the bed and wrapping my arms around her.  
  
"I should ask the same of you," she said, bending back to kiss me. "Mine was good...Gin and I are just talking about some things that are on her mind right now."  
  
"Oh. I'm not interrupting, am I?" I questioned. Ginny seemed mildly annoyed, but shook her head no. "Okay, because I can leave," I assured them. Nymphadora glanced at Ginny then looked back at me. "Could you, love? This is really quite personal." I nodded, and got up to leave, wondering what Ginny and Nymphadora were talking about. Ginny seemed genuinely upset, and I wondered if it didn't have something to do with Harry. Shaking my head, I walked downstairs and into the front room, where Harry sat, alone, staring into the Christmas tree with a blank expression on his face. I sat down next to him.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
He looked up at me, as if shocked to see me. "Oh, hi, Remus."  
  
"Is there something up with you and Ginny?"  
  
"Ginny...?"  
  
I smiled. "You know, your girlfriend?"  
  
"No... Just daydreaming."  
  
"Okay. Don't think too hard, your hair'll turn gray."  
  
He smiled and I took it as him being fine, so I wandered upstairs and into the nursery.  
  
It was quite exquisitely done. It was painted to look like the sky on a sunny day and Nymphadora had stamped Quidditch players randomly. The roof was painted likewise to look like the sun, with some of the exposed part blue. The crib was round with a blue canopy, and there was a rocking chair in the corner. I couldn't wait for my child, whether it was a boy or a girl. I secretly wanted a little girl, one I could call Lily. Nymphadora, I knew, wanted a boy, but would be happy with either. I would be too, but a girl would be best. In any case, I just couldn't wait. As I came downstairs from the nursery, I thought I spotted something darting across the back lawn but since it was dark, I assumed I was just imagining things and went to join the others in the sitting room.  
  
In February, the month before the baby was due, I re-connected the telephone, just in case we needed it. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as we found out.  
  
It was near the end of February, the 20th or so, when the 'phone rang and I rose to answer it. "Hello?" I said.  
  
"Remus?" replied the rasping voice on the other end.  
  
"Yes, this is... May I ask who I am speaking to?"  
  
There was a pause, and then, "This is Sirius."  
  
I nearly dropped the telephone in shock. "Sirius Black?" At the mention of her cousin's name, Nymphadora looked up questioningly, but I ignored her.  
  
"None other than," replied the voice, and I could hear the grin in it.  
  
"B-but... But... Si.. Sirius... You're supposed to b-be dead!" with that, Nymphadora's eyes grew big and she gestured to me as if to say 'Remus, let me talk!'  
  
"So it seems. Is Tonks there?"  
  
"She is, but she's Mrs. Lupin now."  
  
"Hell! Really? When? Congratulations, you old bugger!"  
  
"She's pregnant too... She's due next month."  
  
"Lemme talk to her."  
  
I handed the phone to Nymphadora, who looked like she was about to either cry or laugh.  
  
"Is it really Sirius?" she demanded. I could hear Sirius on the other end, laughing. Then he said something, and she began to enthusiastically chatter about her pregnancy. I quietly excused myself outside.  
  
Once outside, a million things began rushing through my mind. Sirius was back. I couldn't believe it. Where had he been for the whole time? I walked briskly to the park where I sat on a swing and began to swing slowly. A little girl of about 5 approached me and asked if I was too big to be on a swing, and I replied no. She said how old are you and I said, "I'm five, I just look big." She looked scared and ran away, and I laughed. I was so happy about everything.  
  
After about an hour, I started my walk back home. When I returned home, there was Sirius in all his straggly glory, sitting at our kitchen table. He turned around when I came in, and then stood up and hugged me tight. "Mate, I missed you," he whispered. "I can't believe you got bloody married. And I can't believe how PREGNANT she is!" Nymphadora looked insulted so I shushed Sirius and instructed him to sit down. He did, and I got him to explain everything. As it was, when he was struck, he did not die, but since he was presumed dead, he was left. When he came to, he simply got up and left. Then he had hidden for nearly 2 years. All those mysterious phone calls had been from him, but he had not known what to say. When he finally worked up the courage to speak, he telephoned us, and that was how he wound up in our kitchen.  
  
We allowed him to stay with us for as long as he needed. Soon, February fell into March, and all 3 of us spent most of our time preparing for the baby. It was due on March 15th, but both of us had a feeling it would come late. Sirius was so excited, he wanted a boy so he could have a namesake, and as the date grew nearer, we all hoped for another little Sirius.  
  
March 15th rolled around, and, though VERY pregnant, Nymphadora was showing no signs of going into labour any time soon, so we were all getting extremely anxious and excited.  
  
On the afternoon of March 20th, Nymphadora decided to go for a walk, and Sirius and I stayed at home. After about 15 minutes, the telephone rang and Sirius and I raced to answer it, but I beat him.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Remus?"  
  
"Nymphadora? Are you okay? Where are you?"  
  
"I... I... I'm at the library... Remus? Can you come get me? I think I'm in labour."  
  
A/N 3: I think I'm going to leave it there. Haha a cliffhanger. I had a ton of fun writing this, and I hope you like it, everyone. It's really, really long!!! 


	10. Chapter 10: The Lupin Family

"What!?" I demanded, nearly dropping the phone. "Are you all right? Where are you?"  
  
Her voiced on the other end sounded pained. "I-I'm a-at the library. Remus, it hurts. Please come get me."  
  
Just the sound of her voice made me want to cry. "I'll be there, m'love. Just sit down, okay? Take it easy." I turned to Sirius. "Sirius, come on." Sirius looked as worried as I felt. "Is Tonks okay?"  
  
"She's in labour." Sirius looked happy and sad at once. "YAY!" he yelled.  
  
"Sir, I'm going to the library. Stay here and call a taxi, would you." Sirius saluted. "Yes sir."  
  
At the library, she was curled into a ball on the sofa. I went over to her and stroked her hair. "Are you alright?" I questioned, kissing her forehead. She half-nodded. "Yes... But how are we going to get home?" I had forgotten about getting home. "Do you think you could walk?" The library was only 2 blocks from our house. She nodded. "I think so," she said, and tried to rise. I pulled her up and we started home.  
  
By the time we got home, labour was in full swing and Sirius was still on the telephone with the taxi company. "Sirius, hurry it up, would you?"  
  
Sirius looked apologetic. "Sorry Mate. The line's busy." Nymphadora looked like she was going to cry. "I don't think I'm going to make it..." she whispered. I curled up next to her and squeezed her hand. "It'll be okay," I whispered. "We'll get through this." Just as I said that, Sirius gave me the thumbs-up sign and began to speak briskly into the telephone. "Yes," he said. "Could you send a taxi-cab to 11 St. Christopher Place as soon as possible please? 20 minutes? Can you get one here sooner? No? Okay, that's fine. Good bye." Sirius hung up and looked apologetic. "Sorry guys."

I suddenly had an idea. "The Knight Bus, Sirius." I laughed manically. "Go hail the Knight Bus."  
  
20 minutes later, I was waiting outside my wife's hospital room with bated breath. Suddenly, a doctor appeared at my side. "Mr. Lupin?" he said gently. I snapped up. "Yes?!" "Your wife is ready to push... would you like to go in to see her?" I jumped. "Of course!" I started to plow toward the delivery room.  
  
"IT HURTS!!!!! REMUS WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME IT WAS GOING TO HURT THIS BAD?!" Nymphadora screamed in my ear.  
  
"Shh... It'll be okay, Darling..." I whispered soothingly. "Shhh..."

"OKAY?!" she screamed. "OKAY? YEAH, IT WILL BE OKAY, BECAUSE YOU'RE NEVER TOUCHING ME AGAIN! NEVER EVER, EVER AGAIN!" I let go of her hand and looked pleadingly at the doctor. "It's okay," he said to me. "They all do this. Mrs. Lupin, I need to you to take a deep breath and push." She did, and then when she could breathe again, she started to cry. "Why didn't anyone tell me it would hurt this badly? I want my mum, Remus. I'm sorry. I'm just so... so... scared. Please, make it stop... Make it stop!" she blacked out then, her eyes closed and her hair fell long and dark around her face. I turned to the doctor once more. "Is she all right?" He smiled at me. "She'll be just fine, Mr. Lupin. She's just exhausted, and she's very petite, so this is hard on her body." Petite. I had never thought of her that way before. She was short, yes, but she was solid. I knew she could do it. She was strong.  
  
13 hours later  
  
"Mr. Lupin, your wife just had a beautiful baby girl." I snapped awake. "She did? When?!" "About 10 minutes ago. She weighed 10 pounds, 3 ounces, 21 inches long. Big and healthy."  
  
"M-may I go see them?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
I stepped into the room once more. This time, she was awake and holding a tiny bundle capped by a pink knitted hat. "Honey?" I whispered. She looked up and smiled. "Oh love, come and see her." I came round and sat on the edge of the bed in order to cuddle both my girls. "What have you called her?" I whispered. "I don't know," she replied. "What does she look like to you?" I stared at the baby for a few moments. "She looks like an Anna, what do you think?" I replied. "Anna Clare."

"Anna Clare," she repeated. "That sounds right. Welcome to the world, Anna Clare."  
  
_We're a family,_ I thought. _A family. I'm a father. We're the Lupins. Remus, Nymphadora and Anna.  
_  
Suddenly, Sirius stepped into the room. "So, what is it?" he asked, grinning. Nymphadora smiled at him. "You have a beautiful new baby girl cousin, Sirius. Her name is Anna."

"Anna," he repeated. "Anna. I like it. It's cute. Is she cute?"

"Of course," Nymphadora and I replied in unison.

"Well, let me have a look, then," said Sirius, peering down into the bundle. "Yes, she is cute. You're so cute, yes you are, yes you are," he said to the baby, tickling her chin. "Anna's a cutie, yes she is... Anna's gonna grow up and be the coolest little girl ever, yes she is!"  
  
I smiled. I was entirely happy. I was a father, and I was complete.  
  
A/N: I was originally going to have Remus and Tonks have a little boy, but my mum's friend had a baby named Anna in March, so I named the baby in honour of her. Enjoy.


	11. Chapter 11: Kisses Like She's Laughing 2

After Anna was born, our lives changed. Everything revolved around her, and everything we did had to concern her. I began to think three times: Once for myself, once for my wife and once for my child.  
  
Sirius adored Anna. He was always bugging Nymphadora and I to go out so he could spend the evening with her. In June, we all made the trek to King's Cross Station to greet Harry, Ron, Hermione and the others. Sirius was in dog-form, and his tail wagged excitedly when he saw the three get off the train. As soon as he saw Harry, he was unable to control himself. He bounded up on Harry and greeted him, licking his face. Tears filled Harry's eyes, he whispered, "Padfoot? Is that you?" Taking cue, Sirius transformed back into himself, grinning. "It's me, mate."  
  
We started to walk, Harry and Ginny hand in hand, Hermione holding Anna, and Nymphadora with her head on my shoulder. Harry and Sirius were animatedly discussing the benefits of living together, and Hermione was babbling baby talk at Anna. Ron was looking fondly at Hermione. I felt strangely happy. Everyone seemed so... at peace.  
  
We arrived home just before the Weasleys. Anna was sound asleep, so I put her upstairs while Nymphadora scrambled to make everything ordered. After I put Anna into her crib, I stroked her cheek, watching her sleep. She was completely beautiful. She looked more like her mother every day. She was definitely a Black baby.  
  
When I was done rhapsodizing, I walked down stairs and wrapped my arms around Nymphadora, who was making drinks at the counter. "I love you, Baby," I whispered to her. She grinned. "Anna asleep?"

"Like a log," I replied. "Don't I get a kiss?" I put on a pouty face and she grinned and kissed me, the first good kiss we'd had since Anna had been born 3 months ago, a real Nymphadora kiss, a get-right-into-it, warm-body- weight, kisses-like-she's-laughing kiss. We stopped after a few moments, breathless. "Well then," she said. "I'd better get these drinks done, Mr. Lupin." I grinned, and mouthed "Tonight, Mrs. Lupin," savoring the taste of 'Mrs. Lupin' on my lips. She was mine... no one was going to take her away from me. No one, at least, for the time being.

I entered the living room and snuggled onto the couch next to Nymphadora. She and Mrs. Weasley were deep in discussion about children, but Nymphadora managed to quit talking long enough to kiss me. For a moment, I felt a bit lonely. Everyone seemed to be very involved with each other. Finally, I just got up and went to Anna's bedroom, sat down in the rocker, and watched her sleep.I must have fallen asleep in the chair, because the next thing I knew, Nymphadora was waking me up. "Come on," she was saying to me. "Remus, come to bed now."That night I dreamt vividly. I kept dreaming of losing Nymphadora. I saw myself, holding a toddler, who must have been Anna. We were standing over a grave sobbing. I saw myself, holding a pale hand, whispering something. I dreamt of blood, and graves, and aloneness.  
  
I woke up to an empty bed.  
  
A/N: Oh no... hahaha I'm mean!! 


	12. Chapter 12: Loss Of Innocence

I rolled out of bed, calling her name. Her slippers were still under the bed, her dressing gown still on the hook. I thought perhaps she was in with Anna. She wasn't there, but Anna was in her cot, sleeping like an angel. I kissed her forehead and went downstairs. Nymphadora wasn't downstairs, but I noticed that her shoes were gone. The house was eerily quiet. The Weasleys and Hermione were at the Leaky Cauldron and Harry was at Sirius's. I checked outside for her, but there was nothing.  
  
Inside, Anna was starting to wake up so I got her, washed her up, dressed her and took her downstairs with the intention of feeding her.  
  
At noon, I was really starting to worry. It had been 4 hours since I realised that Nymphadora was missing, and I was beginning to wonder if I should take measures to finding her. I had looked all over the neighborhood, nothing.  
  
Finally, at around 2, I took put a hat on Anna's head, strapped her into her Snugli and Apparated to the Ministry. At the front desk, I said, "Hello... My name is Remus Lupin, and I'd like to report a missing person."

"Please go to office 142." I nearly ran down the long corridor.

When I reached office 142, I banged on the door. "Come in," a friendly woman's voice said. I entered.

"Hello, my name is Remus Lupin and I would like to report a missing person."

"All right, Mr. Lupin. I'm Eliana Rhys. Please sit down, I need to ask you a few questions."

I sat. Eliana Rhys smiled. "All right, Mr. Lupin. What is the name of the person you'd like to report as missing?"

"Her name is Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin."

Eliana Rhys wrote it down. "Her age?"

"Well, she's 25..."

"All right. What does she look like?" I showed her a photo of Nymphadora.

"But her hair might be different," I said. "She's a Metamorphmagus."

"All right." She looked surprised. "What was she last seen wearing?"

I described her pyjamas. "All right, we'll put out an announcement. Thank you Mr. Lupin. We will contact you if anything comes up." I thanked her and walked out of the office.

By the time I got home, the Weasleys and Sirius were waiting for me, so the announcement must have played. "She'll be all right," Mrs. Weasley assured me, handing me a cup of tea. "Now, let me see that baby."By 8:00, the search warrant ("London witch reported missing. Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin was last seen sometime last night by her husband. Mrs. Lupin was last seen wearing a pink pyjama top with pink polka dotted pyjama pants. Mrs. Lupin was last seen with short violet hair, however, she is a Metamorphmagus so it is subject to change. Any information on the whereabouts of Mrs. Lupin can be reported to Eliana Rhys in the Department of Missing Wizards") had played numerous times with no avail. Anna was getting restless, so I tried to put her to bed, but she wouldn't go down. Finally, I brought her downstairs with me to cuddle until she fell asleep. Downstairs, Mrs. Weasley was planted in front of the radio, the kids were nowhere in sight and Sirius was pacing fretfully. When Mrs. Weasley saw me, she sighed and said "Oh, Remus. It will be okay, love." I nodded and sat down.

"I'm frightened, Molly," I said. "What if she never comes home?"

"She'll be home soon, love, I promise."

That's what she thought. 


	13. Impt Author's Note

A big long author's note:  
  
As of yet, I think Kisses has about 3 more chapters left. 4 tops. There might be more if people want more... a sequel perhaps.  
  
I wondered from the start how this would end. I'm surprised it went on this long. I do have the end planned out... It's not what I wanted but it's close. If anyone has any questions or comments or requests... my contact information:  
  
If you want to contact me on MSN messenger: delectivodementechicahotmail.com  
  
AIM: redmagicmarker12  
  
Yahoo!: cordyhunterblack  
  
E-mail: mimimarquezhellokitty.com  
  
Breanne

Princess Arwen AKA Bre.


	14. Chapter 13: Singing Songs of Joy & Peace

Months passed. The wireless announcement played so many times a day that I eventually just kept it turned off. Anna was getting bigger before my eyes. She had been 4 months old when her mother disappeared, and now it was December, Christmas in the air and Anna 9 months old.

It became my goal to find Nymphadora before Christmas. But by December 20th, I was losing hope. I knew that she was gone, but I needed to find her, even her body. I needed to bring justice to her, to my daughter.

When I finally came to terms with the fact that Nymphadora wasn't going to be home to see her daughter's first Christmas, I decided that I was going to _bring _Nymphadora to Anna. I went to a stationery store and bought a notebook, pink and purple, Nymphadora's favorite colors, a pen and some paste. When I got home, I paid the sitter and checked on Anna, who was sound asleep. Then I crept back to our room, Nymphadora's and my room, chose a photograph for the cover of the notebook, affixed it and started to write.

_Nymphadora Tonks, your mother, kisses like she's laughing. Her being my best friend's second cousin and 8 years my junior, I probably shouldn't know how Nymphadora Tonks kisses at all. But I do.  
  
When she kisses, her mouth forms a sort of pouty half-grin and she snuggles into you, the warmth of the kiss combined with the warm weight of her body, and there's no other feeling quite like it in the world.  
  
As I lay here in the half-dark of her disorganized but dust-free bedroom while she sleeps, I ponder her. I wonder what she thinks. What she feels when I make love to her.  
  
Tonks's bedroom is a room full of memories. Her bulletin board is a flurry of movement as she and random family members chase each other back and forth. They stop to wave at me and I stare back, smiling and still pondering her existence._

I wrote until the telephone rang, startling me. I had spent nearly 3 hours scribbling down every memory, from that first Christmas before Anna was born to memories of Nymphadora as a child to how I felt when Anna was born, steeling myself, losing myself in the very _essence _of Nymphadora. Even so, I was not prepared for what the voice on the other end of the telephone was going to tell me.

"Hello, is this Mr. Remus Jonathan Lupin?"

"Yes..."

"This is Daemon Kalix calling..."

I do not recall the rest of the conversation. After the pivotal six words, I numbed my mind. _Your wife's body has been located, _the man's automaton-like voice bounced in my head.

I got up from my chair, picked Anna up from her cot and held her and rocked her for a very long time.

In the next weeks, so many things happened. People flooded in and out of the house. Sirius stayed, comforting me and trying to take my mind off of the coming memorial service, the Weasleys drifted in and out, all telling me how sorry they were.

Meanwhile, I was trying to make it right. Trying to make it up to Nymphadora, who died too soon. Tried to make it up to Anna, who would never know her mother. I didn't cry. I had cried only in the very beginning, holding Anna. Tears had dripped down into Anna's curls. Tears of despair and pain. A tear of gratification because I knew that she was at peace. Tears because I finally knew where my wife was. Tears that I had kept pent up for 5 months came spilling out, down my cheeks and onto the soft curls and pure skin of my 9-month-old daughter. _Her _9-month-old daughter. I had no use for tears anymore. I just needed to make it right.


	15. Chapter 14: Lights

In the precious moments when I was alone after Nymphadora's death, I imagined her as she had been the night I had laid in her bed and watched her sleep, her eyes closed but fluttering with a dream, her hair waist-length, bright red, with white-blonde streaks in the spirit of Christmas. Picturing her settled a hunger in me, a pure animalistic hunger. I wanted her back. I loved her. How could she disappear on me?

Watching Anna grow up was a challenge and a gift. She was developing from a sweet pink infant into a curious sturdy toddler before my eyes. Everyone told me that she looked just like me, but I knew the truth. Beyond the curls of sandy hair, Anna's shining, mischievous eyes, short, sturdy build and very nature were all Nymphadora.

Three months after I got the news of my wife's death, our daughter's first birthday rolled around. I had been pretty self-sufficient for about a month when it happened. Everyone had stopped coming by and I had been spending the time enjoying my daughter and trying to work out a job.

The party was at the Weasleys' house, and that morning I got all of Anna's gifts together and dressed her in an outfit I had bought with her mother in mind: Pink overalls, a pink-and-purple striped shirt and sturdy purple running shoes. I tied her hair into two pigtails, narrowly avoiding her swinging fist. Then I scooped her up and we Apparated to the Weasleys'.

"There's the girl of the hour!" Sirius cried when we arrived. "How goes it, Banana?"

"Siwi!" screeched Anna, speaking one of five words she knew. "Down, dad! Siwi!"

I set her down and she crawled (she was quite sufficient and quick at crawling, she would soon be walking) over to him as fast as her chubby little legs could. Sirius scooped her up and swung her around, singing Happy Birthday. Mrs. Weasley appeared, smiling.

"Hello, Remus," she said warmly. "And hello, Anna."

Anna waved dizzily.

"Can you say 'hello', Anna?"

Anna waved again and I smiled.

"Say 'hello'. He-ll-oh."

"Heh-ow."

"That's right, good girl Anna."

By 2:30 pm the party was in full swing and Mrs. Weasley ushered us all inside for cake and presents. She had dimmed the lights and set the birthday cake (shaped like a small girl resembling Anna) in the middle of the table, alight with pink and purple candles.

"Wights! Wights!" cried Anna, clapping her hands in delight. "Dad! Siwi! WIGHTS!"

Everyone sung Happy Birthday and I helped her blow out the candles. When we did so, her face fell. "Wights," she sighed wistfully.

"No more lights," Sirius told her brightly. "But maybe some later."

By the time the party ended, Anna was asleep. I thanked everyone and we Apparated back. Mrs. Weasley promised to send us the presents as soon as possible.

At home, I managed to clean Anna's face, remove her pigtails and get her into her pajamas as best I could without waking her. As I set her in her crib, her eyes fluttered open and she grabbed my shirt collar.

"Dad," she murmured. "Love."

"I love you, too, Anna."

She smiled sleepily and went back to sleep, curling into a "c" shape.

A/N: Gasp! It's amazing. I updated. Hehe. Enjoy.


	16. Chapter 15: The End

Everything must come to an end somewhere, of course. I must let go of Nymphadora's memory somewhere, let her rest in peace instead of pestering her constantly.

I still love her dearly; I will never let go of that. But I will not let something that I cannot control govern my life.

Anna grew up too fast, even though I tried to savor her as long as I could. She's at Hogwarts now, first year, a goofy child with a sparkling sense of humor much like her mother's. Her favorite book is the one I wrote for her…her mum's story.

I did all right as a single father, a werewolf no less. I had my moments, but I always had people who could support me.

I did not date after Nymphadora's passing. I had too much to worry about, and I did not want anyone or anything to replace my Nymphie. I guess I was just afraid to love again.

Christmas has always been hardest for me. The rush of family and friends and the fact that Nymphadora loved Christmas all caused the season to be a blur, a displacement.

Anna loves Christmas. She keeps up what her mother started, trying to make sure everyone gets exactly what they wanted, playing the music, decorating the house, and doing all of those other Christmassy things that I can't be bothered with. When she grows up, she says, she wants to be just like her mum. I tell her to be careful.

I suppose I'll end my story here. Like I said, everything must come to an end, and my story has reached it's end. Thank you for letting me tell you about the two most wonderful people I have ever met: my wife and my daughter.

A/N: It's over! I can't believe I ended it. There may be a sequel if enough people want. Even if there is no sequel, there will always be another story.


End file.
